This, I can say with absolute certainty: No man has ever continued shooting his shot like the guy in a recent video posted by Twitter user @PicturesFolder.

In the video, a man approaches two women with a microphone, apparently to ask them if they like bodybuilders. He is followed by someone who appears to be, well, a bodybuilder. “I like skinny, scrawny guys,” one of the women replies.

Big mistake.

Beginning a rant that could only be accompanied by the most intricate of Midwest emo riffs, the muscular man unleashes a tirade that goes in directions you would never expect.

“How about multimillionaires?” he starts.

Okay, not great, but not too bad so far.

“How about 8 inches, and thick?”

Okay, we’ve lost our way a bit here. Let’s pivot.

“How about talented? How about loving and respectful?”

Solid! Let’s get more of that.

“I lost my wife 10 weeks ago. Twenty-one years faithful.”

I, uh — dude, I’m so sorry, but maybe now’s not the time?

“My daughter committed suicide three weeks ago. Thirteen. She was faster than me at 12, and I run a 6-minute mile.”

Jesus, man. It hasn’t been your year. But let’s remember that you’re shirtless and trying to flirt with a girl on the beach right now.

“My testimony? I’m nothing but pure, and I asked you if you want to be in a YouTube channel. And you like scrawny guys.”

That’s… you know what, you tried. C for effort.

In response, the other girl in the video offered the only appropriate thing to say in such a situation: “Why did he trauma dump on us like that? Damn!”

Damn is certainly correct.