Want to avoid s—ting your pants? Stay far away from TikTok’s viral Penne Alla Vodka.

Italian chef and part-time comedian Joe Naimoli headed to TikTok this week with a word of warning about just how awful bad Penne Ala Vodka can be, explaining that following some of social media’s most popular recipes will only result in bathroom emergencies.

@joemakemelaugh Stop making vodka sauce from folks who don't know any better. You need to make a sauce from crushed tomatoes and not just cream. If you truly want to impress not just the internet but your loved ones and more importantly enjoy your dinner... trust me on this. #vodkasauce #fyp #fyp #xyzabc ♬ original sound - Joe Naimoli

“Here’s the thing if you have bowl of heavy cream and tomato paste … let’s just call it what it is, you’re gonna s—t your pants,” the creator explained atop several viral clips detailing how to make the dish, ones involving a mere tablespoon of tomato paste and a metric f—kton of cream. “Someone has to say it.”

The reason behind the crappy effects of these recipes, he explained, stems from these dishes’ use of cream, rather than crushed tomatoes as a base, leaving people with not a classic Italian dish, but “a bowl of heavy cream with tomato flavor,” as one commenter dubbed it.

“This is not France. We’re not having four or five noodles,” he continued. “You live in America, you live in New York, we came here to eat. You can’t make it this way.”

So how can you enjoy the classic Italian dish without making a “sprint to the bathroom?” The answer comes down to the order of operations and proportions, swapping tomato paste for crushed tomatoes and adding the cream after the vodka.

So take it from Naimoli — crushed tomatoes are the key to s—t free pasta … that and maybe accepting that you’re lactose intolerant.