Companies are busy developing smart devices for all parts of the body — including your downstairs.
After the invention of the smartphone, it was inevitable that other smart devices were going to hit the market. Smart watches? Sure! Smart glasses? Yes, please! Smart toilets? Stop asking me questions and give me the crapper with the intelligence of a 4-year-old! Amongst this growing list of smart devices is the smart ring. Gone are the days of having a normal ring; soon, you’ll have a ring with Bluetooth connectivity! We really do live in the future.
Apple, it seems, is one of the many companies innovating in this space. However, while you might think of a ring as solely a finger — uh, thing? — AppleInsider notes that the company’s patent is for something that goes places far beyond your hands.
"The ring device may have a ring shape that allows the ring device to be worn on a body part of a user," says the patent, quoted by AppleInsider "(e.g., around a user's wrist, arm, leg, ankle, neck, head, and/or other body part)."
“And/or other body part”?
…Someone’s going to shove their c–k in this thing, huh?
Now, this is probably not Apple’s intention. Probably. But it’s hard not to imagine such an idea, given that it is a ring and dudes love sticking their dick in anything vaguely hole-shaped. Plus, Apple seems to be imagining some sort of theme park that, with a smart dick ring, would be any pain-pig’s dream.
"Consider, as an example, a scenario in which a user is walking through a building," says the patent (I’m getting hard already!). "The user views an item on a shelf that contains an NFC tag with information about the item... [the ring] device may then take suitable action..."
Right. I see the picture of another woman, and my mistress sends a signal to my Find My-enabled dick ring to squeeze my Johnson so hard that I lose all circulation. Thanks, Apple!
The AppleInsider article goes on to note that there are privacy concerns with wearing such a device — but given what I know about dudes, we should all simply be concerned for our privates.