Recently, Twitter/X users have been arguing over a map that purports to show how often Europeans use the bathroom.

Given that their diets contain a pitiful lack of quadruple-decker burgers, one would think that these Europeans would be having far more balanced levels of crapping than their American counterparts. Not so, says this map.

According to the map, Italians poop 55 times per week, while the Poles poop a more balanced but still high 16 times a week. In contrast, the poor people of North Macedonia only drop a deuce one time every 7 days (and I bet it’s not pleasant).

This map, of course, is fake. The map is actually a relabeled version of a different map showing the number of UNESCO World Heritage sites in the various countries of Europe. I know, sad.

But is there any truth to this? At the end of the day, we here at eBaum's World are scientists, and we take our roles very seriously. That’s why we’ve scoured the internet to see if anyone has done any actual research into how often Europeans poop.

First, some justice for the Italians. A 2004 study found that “the average defecatory frequency was once per day,” a far cry from the 55 dumps we were promised. This number seems consistent around Europe: for example, Brits poop 1.66 times per day.

Germans, however, have sometimes been found to have slightly higher rates of constipation. They also use a specific kind of toilet that makes you look at your poo before flushing it down. They’re a weird bunch.

In conclusion, no. There’s no data to support the idea that the people of Europe poop more than Americans — though, given the lack of data about North Macedonia, I’m going to choose to believe they’re still holding it in.