The breeders must be stopped.


I’m not talking about the people who settle down and pop out a few kids. You guys are fine. The people I have a problem with are those who see their seed as both special and something that needs to be spread as far and wide as possible. Elon Musk, Boris Johnson, Nick Cannon — there’s a certain group of people who can not only not stop fucking, but not stop encouraging women to take their horrible spawn to full term.


This presents a problem because, as a parent, you’re morally (and occasionally legally) obligated to take care of your little bastards — or, at the very least, be involved with their lives. But if you have a dozen or so kids, doing that can be difficult, which is why Nick Cannon has decided to do this.



That’s right: a Father’s Day Meet and Greet. According to OK!, Cannon announced the event by saying he “hoped to give all 11 of his kids the ‘opportunity to connect’ with him on Father’s Day.”


“It’s supposed to be a day where I get to rest,” he told People. “But I want to give all my kids the opportunity to connect and give me gifts, and all that type of stuff. It’s a fun day and I appreciate all the love that I get on that day.” (He has so many kids that not even OK! and People are able to keep track of them, with OK! reporting that he has 11 of them and People that he has 12.)



If you’re curious, here’s the whole list of Cannon kids, per OK!: He “shares 13-year-old twins Moroccan and Monroe with ex-wife Mariah Carey and also has sons Golden ‘Sagon’ and Rise Messiah, as well as daughter Powerful Queen, with Brittany Bell. He additionally shares twin sons Zion Mixolydian and Zillion Heir and daughter Beautiful Zeppelin with Abby De La Rosa, son Legendary Love with Bre Tiesi, daughter Onyx Ice with LaNisha Cole and daughter Halo Marie with Alyssa Scott.”


Hey, more Father’s Day gifts, I guess.