Last week, Martha Stewart graced the cover of Sports Illustrated’s iconic swimsuit issue; the 81-year-old becoming the oldest person ever to do so. She objectively looked fantastic, and her thirst traps prompted many to wonder just how some celebrities maintain their youthful essence.

Is it cosmetic procedures, photoshop, or a generally higher quality of nutrition and fitness? Well according to some conspiracy theorists on the dark web, the answer is much more sinister. Instead, it involves a secret drug known as adrenochrome.

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According to Wikipedia, “Adrenochrome is a chemical compound produced by the oxidation of adrenaline,” and was theorized in the 50s to be a possible cause of schizophrenia. Minimal research through the 70s however showed little concrete evidence of that.

But according to the dark web, the chemical is instrumental in helping slow down the aging process, especially when harvested from children. TikTok has even banned the word to help prevent the spread of this theory, citing its community guidelines. 

In what is one of the more grotesque conspiracy theories around, some people believe that mass numbers of children are being killed for their adrenochrome, and people of influence are taking it to make them look younger. Others think that celebrities are using it as a recreational psychedelic drug like mushrooms.

If you intentionally misspell adrenochrome in the TikTok search engine to dodge the redaction, numerous videos perpetuating the theory will appear. On Twitter, those videos pop up without issue; thanks Elon.

If you’re stupid enough to believe something like this, then perhaps you’re likely to misspell it on TikTok anyhow. Remember that just because a theory is being censored, doesn’t mean it’s true; in this case, it means gullible idiots need to stop seeing it.

Instead, just accept that Martha Stewart is 81, and hotter than you. It’s ok.