Life in 17th century London was tough: You had civil wars, plagues, monarchs being beheaded, a massive fire and no internet or memes. Horrific.


Even if you managed to survive all of that, you still would probably be killed by something that’s completely treatable in 2024. Or you could be killed by teeth.



According to one record of deaths in London in 1632, known as a Bill of Mortality, the leading cause of death for adults was consumption, followed by fever, old age, smallpox and dysentery, none of which are particularly unusual. What is unusual is the sixth leading cause of death, which simply reads “teeth.”


Several of the causes of death listed require explanations for modern audiences. The highest number of deaths are filed under “chrisomes and infants,” for example, with “chrisomes” referring to stillborn children and babies aged less than a month old, while “King’s Evil” refers to scrofula — it was believed that the touch of a king would cure someone of this disease. Unfortunately, kings in 17th century England were too busy fending off Oliver Cromwell to go around touching people’s necks.


“Teeth” unfortunately, has a fairly grim explanation: It refers to children who died when they were of teething age, the next age group up from chrisomes and infants. As is always the case, reality is far more depressing than imagination, and “teeth” as a cause of death doesn’t refer to the phenomenon depicted in 2007’s horror/comedy Teeth.


Potentially the best cause of death, if there can be such a thing, was “surfet” which took out 86 people in 1632. It refers to overeating or overindulgence. Considering how poor the average Londoner would have been in the 1630s, and how rare it would have been to have access to enough food to gorge yourself on it, eating oneself to death is a massive accomplishment.


Congratulations to these heroes, sorry you didn’t live long enough to discover eating contests.