Though we may only be 13 days into the new year, 2024 has already proven itself to be more than just eventful, the past two weeks filled to the brim with alien sightings, Real Housewives drama, and a weird amount of tunnels.


As these bizarre stories keep pouring in, each seemingly more absurd than its predecessor, several very online — and very tired — Twitter folks appeared to have the same idea: Commemorating the past two weeks in song.


“Can’t wait for Fallout Boy’s ‘We Didn’t Start the Fire’  just about 2024,” wrote @TheWapplehouse on Thursday.



While it appears Fall Out Boy may be too busy learning to spell their own song titles to write yet another timely update to the Billy Joel classic, we decided to rise to the occasion, outfitting the 1989 hit to represent the first two weeks — and first two weeks alone — of 2024.


Ladies, Gentlemen and Distinguished readers, eBaum’s World is proud to present “We Didn’t Dig The Tunnels.” 


VERSE 1:


Gary Busey’s public pee, aliens in Miami,

Naked dudebro cannonballs in Bass Shop of the Pros


Gypsy’s hubby’s fire D, stuck in an urn at a party,

Jokes on Barbie’s Golden Globes, come on and ‘suck it, Pedro’ 



Hunter Biden, Heather Gay, Selena’s break lasts a day

Receipts and Proof in Congress, Stanley cups cause a skirmish



FKA’s got the Kibosh, Views and wine our Drake & Josh,

UAPs in aerospace, Jeremy’s Couch on Marketplace!



CHORUS:

We didn’t dig the tunnels,

Chabad did it and we sent cops in it



We didn’t dig the tunnels,

That TikTok lady is driving us all crazy


@engineer.everything Getting eager to start building my castle! #engineering #mining #tunnel #construction #trades #minecraft ♬ Solas X Interstellar - Gabriel Albuquerqüe


VERSE 2:

Ron DeSantis getting topped, Taylor Swift PsyOp,

Alaska Airlines’ Air Max bidding adieu’ to its door



Nathan Fielder loses it, new French PM is hot as s—t,

Tweens demanding retinol at mall Sephora stores


@sarahklait These parents gotta stop letting their feral kids shop alone #pov #richkids #richkidsbelike #sephora #nomanners #greenscreen ♬ original sound - Sarah


The Ace Family calls it quits, Kanye posting his wife’s tits,

Chicagoland’s rat hole, fender benders in Lake Tahoe 




Stephen Hawking Epsten’s list, Steamboat Willie terrorist?

Taking shots for Ashley Babbitt, Jake’s bath water gotta have it!



CHORUS:

We didn’t dig the tunnels,

Chabad did it and we sent cops in it


We didn’t dig the tunnels,

That TikTok lady is driving us all crazy