Stoners are supposed to be chill. They’re supposed to just get high and eat snacks. But the pursuit of one thing leads to obsession, and transforms you beyond recognition. These are the Captain Ahabs of the marijuana world, driven mad by their desire to smoke weed at any cost.

They have been led down a dark path, one from which they shall never return. They have smoked That Which Should Not Be Smoked: homemade bongs full of microplastics, joints rolled from whatever is within reach of the couch, and weed that is just actual poop.

Let this be a cautionary tale. Do not smoke that which is forbidden. Just hit your vape pen normal style and watch TV.