Let's be real, we all just squished out the goo from inside, there was something so satisfying and it smelled so good. Nothing will ever come close to the way these sweet squishy things smelled.

The fear was real. Rumors started flying as soon as the screening bus pulled up. Someone was going to find out they were deaf and it wasn't going to be you, nervousness took over and you raised your little hand at everything, even the rustle of your hair against the headphones.

You saved your allowance, excitedly sent away (from the catalog) for your little seamonkey family and 6-8 weeks later, you got freeze dried shrimp that you stuck in water. Biggest let down ever.

And who would answer when you called?! The hot brother? The scary dad? The mom who talked on and on before calling your friend to the phone? Kids today wouldn't have survived.

Inevitably, the ruler would spin off and slam someone and you would get a demerit. Can they give those now or are we only giving positive reinforcements, like "You didn't hurt anyone even though it spun off and nearly took out an eye, we're so proud of you"

And when you sat on it and bobbed around until you didn't and it nearly took out your friend's face as it sprung out of the water.

Best day of the week in computer lab.

Smell memory activitated. Bosses should start handing these out at the office, now. And giving erasers and rewards if you get to Friday without any behavior issues.

That was truly the only time these things existed. Kindergarten and bible school. No other humans could tap into the greatness of these two wonders.

And yet we survived and probably didn't do that again.

Why though? Why did every teacher wear these with those weird wooden necklaces and country chic horrors? Not even old teachers, most were in their 30s. How could this ever be a lewk?

The satisfaction of slamming this down on a telemarketer.

No matter what, we were okay because if we weren't, then we had to go inside and lie down or get taken care of and our friends went on playing without us. Nope. Damn legs could've fallen off and we were A-ok.

Spelling, vocabulary, it was all fair game and you would be drilled for hours. In the car. While you ate, bathed, there was never. any. peace.

And you had to specify if you wanted them "well done" because if not, they were slightly pink in the middles.

You were also quite aware that a wooden spoon wasn't just for stirrin' the pot.

Frozen cokey goodness that would inevitably explode all over your lunch room and the teachers would fuss but you did it every day anyway.

And those who did died. And no one batted an eye, it was a way to clear out the gene pool. If you're too stupid to survive, better know right at the start.

We could make the "pew-pew" noises and point our finger guns at each other and no one thought we actually had a real gun and no one was offended or threatened. It was an incredible time to be alive. We could also play army, cowboys, and cops and robbers without offending anyone or getting expelled. Yup, kids, there were times like that.

Really. Who didn't love the count? Muh-hahahhaha.

You remember seeing your friend's momma do this with the cigarettes you and your friend bought when you walked to the corner store for candy and chips when you were 7.

Icees and popcorn.Mmmmm.

This is a rite of childhood, unless it's a banned offense now. I have trouble keeping up.

But we didn't die, all of those "and then I almost died" gave us adventures, built us up, and taught us important lessons.

Why though? Chicken, geese, the checkered print - it was everywhere and still haunts our dreams.

We all wanted to be on star search and no one really cared about the adults. We all just watched the kids and judged. Ohhh did we judge. And no one was offended. And everyone lived.